Friday, officially the worst day of my week.
Found out the worst things I would have never imagined, had a family member end up in the hospital. Dear God, how much more do you want to torture me? What more do you ask for from me?
It's quite sad because I was actually branded something very nasty for the things I did not do, yet for the things he did (which was way worse than mine, and I didn't know until yesterday) he still could brand me that kind of insult. What's worse is I actually asked him and he lied to me. Forgoing the fact that what he done, because he actually did it while we weren't together, but lying to me and misleading me to believe that everything was my fault was unforgivable. I even foolishly swallowed my pride, and beg, seriously lowered down my volume wailing and begging, for him to not leave. Yet at the end of the day, I felt like I've been cheated on, though it technically isn't the case.
There were so many hints by so many people, yet my love for him blinded me from seeing the truth, from seeing how he had succeeded in lying to me. I should have known, this I could only blame myself for my own ignorance.
However, discovering the truth did 2 things to me:
1) I finally feel relieved.
I know I should hate him for ever doing this to me, but I feel much more relieved as I know that I did not do anything wrong and it isn't that I'm not good enough for him. As he insisted, I now choose to believe that he does not deserve me.
2) I can finally let go.
My own moral values make me despise people who does something like this, and as much as I would love to hate him, I can't bring myself to. But now I can easily let go, I have zero intention of going back to him/asking him back any more. I am finally free from this nightmare.
I know that this will have a very big impact on me and this should serve as a reminder to me to actually heed to other people's advice and to not be as silly as before. I don't blame anyone for this incident, only my own soft-heartedness for accepting him when he came to find me in the middle of the night. I will harden my heart and build up higher walls, unbreakable ones least he comes knocking it down again like nobody's business. I will no longer be at anyone's beck and call, I will be my own hero. I won't act like a damsel in distress as from now on, I will try to be independent. (see what being dependent on one person did to me)
This will be the start of me loving myself more than anything and anyone else.
Found out the worst things I would have never imagined, had a family member end up in the hospital. Dear God, how much more do you want to torture me? What more do you ask for from me?
It's quite sad because I was actually branded something very nasty for the things I did not do, yet for the things he did (which was way worse than mine, and I didn't know until yesterday) he still could brand me that kind of insult. What's worse is I actually asked him and he lied to me. Forgoing the fact that what he done, because he actually did it while we weren't together, but lying to me and misleading me to believe that everything was my fault was unforgivable. I even foolishly swallowed my pride, and beg, seriously lowered down my volume wailing and begging, for him to not leave. Yet at the end of the day, I felt like I've been cheated on, though it technically isn't the case.
There were so many hints by so many people, yet my love for him blinded me from seeing the truth, from seeing how he had succeeded in lying to me. I should have known, this I could only blame myself for my own ignorance.
However, discovering the truth did 2 things to me:
1) I finally feel relieved.
I know I should hate him for ever doing this to me, but I feel much more relieved as I know that I did not do anything wrong and it isn't that I'm not good enough for him. As he insisted, I now choose to believe that he does not deserve me.
2) I can finally let go.
My own moral values make me despise people who does something like this, and as much as I would love to hate him, I can't bring myself to. But now I can easily let go, I have zero intention of going back to him/asking him back any more. I am finally free from this nightmare.
I know that this will have a very big impact on me and this should serve as a reminder to me to actually heed to other people's advice and to not be as silly as before. I don't blame anyone for this incident, only my own soft-heartedness for accepting him when he came to find me in the middle of the night. I will harden my heart and build up higher walls, unbreakable ones least he comes knocking it down again like nobody's business. I will no longer be at anyone's beck and call, I will be my own hero. I won't act like a damsel in distress as from now on, I will try to be independent. (see what being dependent on one person did to me)
This will be the start of me loving myself more than anything and anyone else.
